Lesson #17

Insomnia can be a fun thing. Around hour 36 is the best time to go ghost hunting because you will not be sure if it is you dreaming or the dead girl really IS talking to you.

Lesson # 16

DO NOT invite sober people to an "after party" at someone's apartment. Especially if you want them to "save" you. Your best option is to go home or go ALL the way alone.

Lesson # 15

All men are dogs and All women are Catty.

Lesson # 14

There are many stupid questions. But the ones you ask in your head are the worst. So, when you wake up next to a beautiful person your first reaction should not be
"Why?"

Lesson # 13

There is such thing as BAD LUCK. But bad luck makes the best songs.

Lesson # 12

Learn a second language. This will come in handy if you find yourself and a nightclub and everyone speaks Espagnol, Français, Gaeilge, or العربية

Lesson # 11

When watching a horror movie, the fun is to be frightened. Not talk through the whole damn thing about how it's not scary in an attempt to prevent from being startled.

Lesson # 10

There are few things more attractive than a woman that drinks oak aged alcohols like r(h)um or whisk(e)y or g(j)enever. Those few things I just listed.

Lesson #9

BAD NEWS: People in the business of alcohol are some of the most ridiculous drunks. Stemware will break. They will tell terribly bad jokes in the loudest voice possible. And talk to you endlessly about nonsense.

GOOD NEWS: They will give you free stuff and tip wildly.

Lesson # 8

The drunk inside you is always ready to make REAL decisions. So be prepared for this by making sure you do not have any way to Monte Carlo, tuxedos, or to the roulette wheel. Even if you have the ultimate solution to win.

Lesson #7

A night out should not be a sprint to the finish line but a marathon. If you are visibly drunk in the daytime you will not see the night.

Lesson #6

When some idiots spill their flaming absinthe on you, remain calm. You have only a few minutes to put yourself out before the bartender throws a bucket of water on you.

Lesson # 5

When the bartender says get ON the bar. You know you have crossed the threshold into a different kind of night.

Lesson #4

The Drunk you feels no pain, so when you wake up the Real You is covered in bruises that suddenly Hurt.

Lesson #4

Never trust a monkey to do a man's job.

Lesson #3

Whisquila is in fact a very efficient form of time travel. Remember to drink enough to get ALL the way; Otherwise you end up at a deli in the Bronx arguing about cigarettes with a Mexican instead of waking up at home in Brooklyn.

Lesson # 2

The good news is the drunk you is just as smart as the sober you. the bad news is the drunk you is a total asshole, so it doesn't matter.

Lesson #1

Do not answer the phone after your third drink. In a fact, turn it off.